Lost and Found: Reconnecting with Your Strengths
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Image courtesy of the author
In May of 2020, I planned to stay in Vermont for one week to celebrate my grandpa’s birthday, and never left. Even though I was living in Virginia, I felt compelled to stay when my family asked me to spend more time with my grandpa who was lonely after leaving his senior home due to the risk of COVID-19.
With the pandemic, it felt like I had been constantly treading water for weeks trying to balance family, work, so much change, and so much uncertainty. Anxious thoughts plagued me like: “Am I letting down my coworkers if I need to support my family now?” “What if we are called back to the office? Can I handle another 12 hour drive?” and “How can I even try to help others when I’m exhausted?” The anxious thoughts led to some troubling underlying beliefs that I couldn’t fully articulate at that time.
I love presenting and inspiring “aha” moments for people, especially through kickboxing classes and light painting photography portraits called “Illuminating Inspiration.” I also love leading with my top character strength of zest to illuminate inspiration for others. The virus made it unsafe to inspire ‘aha moments’ and illuminate inspiration the way I had in the past with in-person experiences. I felt like I was failing because I couldn’t serve others in this way anymore. I was struggling with feeling like I wasn’t living up to my personal mission to inspire others to discover and pursue their passions.
I felt like my profession and work activities defined my value as a person and I was unknowingly constantly judging myself with the assumption that “What I do, defines who I am”. And because I couldn’t do the same work anymore, and didn’t see hope for a way to do that in the near future, I felt worthless. The more I tried to do, the more exhausted I felt, and the less capacity I had to do more. To make matters worse, I felt I couldn’t fully express my zest in my work. When I tried to express it more fully, I seemed to face constant barriers. In this seemingly never-ending negativity cycle, I felt lost.
Then in August, I asked a question that led to an invitation from my friends and former Master of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) classmates Sharon Danzger (C’ 18) and Kathryn Wessling (C’ 18) to help lead a VIA Character Strengths exploration for our MAPP 2018 and 2019 classes. For the first time in several weeks, this felt incredibly energizing to me. I was in.
The Question: What would happen if we built a stronger, more intimate relationship with our unique signature strengths?
VIA Character Strengths Background
VIA Character Strengths encompass 24 universally endorsed personality traits that support well-being (R. M. Niemiec, 2018). These strengths range from bravery, creativity, and curiosity to kindness, teamwork, and zest. An individual’s top five character strengths, known as “signature strengths,” make up the essence of who they are. Signature strengths feel essential, energizing, and effortless to express (R. Niemiec, 2012).
In general, using character strengths leads to increased confidence, happiness, problem-solving skills, goal achievement, meaning and purpose, and positive relationships (R. M. Niemiec, 2018). One of the most scientifically supported positive psychological interventions involves using your signature strengths in a new way every day for one week (Seligman et al., 2005). Though there is tremendous opportunity to further understand character strengths through traditional scientific study, the insights from this exploration evolved organically.
Our Five-Week Signature Strength Exploration
My signature strengths question came from a 30-day general character strength challenge that Kathryn had organized within our cohort a month prior. While I appreciated the opportunity to build all 24 character strengths, I found it difficult to use multiple strengths in new ways when I wasn’t sure how I had been using my strengths, if at all. I thought I knew my strengths prior to the pandemic, but so much had changed that it challenged me to explore further. As a result, I was eager to dive deep to understand my signature strengths better. Focusing more deeply on a few strengths felt more approachable than exploring all 24 at the same time.
My curiosity sparked multiple questions about my strengths. How do I express my unique strengths and how do others receive them? How might I nourish each of my five signature strengths? Does each strength need its own ‘nutrition’ plan? How do my strengths interact and support each other? I was also curious about others’ signature strengths. How do other people experience their top strengths? How do others express perspective, spirituality, humor, and other strengths that were not as familiar to me?
Transforming these questions into a casual experiment, we invited members of the MAPP 2018 and 2019 classes to join us for a five-week signature strengths exploration. We set a goal to use each signature strength in a new way, every day, for one week across five weeks and post our daily learnings in a group chat. This gave us a week to focus on each of our own signature strengths and learn about the signature strengths of others. At the beginning of each week, we held an optional, virtual ideation session over Zoom to help people think of new ways to use their strengths. We hoped that these collaborative sessions would provide social support and boost our confidence in using our strengths in new ways. By our calculations, each of us would finish the exploration with 35 new ways to use our signature strengths, and with a deeper understanding of our strengths in general.
With curiosity, we launched this exploration on August 9, 2020.
Insights
As a result of this exploration, I gained the following key insights.
1. Growth-Mindset is Key
Framing this activity as an exploration, rather than another task to accomplish during these already demanding times, helped free me to really listen and learn from myself and others. While we did have a “goal” to use each strength in a new way each day, failure was not defined by any specific action one needed to take. Instead, success was when you learned something new about your strengths, or better understood your strengths. Overall, our exploration was growth-oriented. What I accomplished did not define who I was. Instead, what I learned helped me become a better person. This space to focus on learning and growth was incredibly energizing.
Additionally, it was relieving to not do more, but to do different. I gained greater awareness of how I was already using my strengths and often underappreciating them. This new awareness gave me guidance on new and different ways to use my strengths moving forward.
2. Reflect to Build a Stronger Relationship with Yourself
Our weekly group ideation sessions about how to use our signature strength of the week in a new way each day transformed into reflection sessions as we developed deeper relationships with our strengths. Initially, we brainstormed 10 minutes per partner in pairs to explore multiple new ways to use a signature strength of the week. A few weeks into our exploration, we also started to deeply explore how we express our strengths. One of my partners and I found it helpful to ask who, what, where, when, and why questions about our strengths during this session to gain better awareness that could inform new strength use ideas.
Take zest for example. Zest is my top character strength. During the ideation session (which evolved into a reflection session), I answered the following questions: What does zest mean to me? What is the VIA definition? How do I currently use zest? Who inspires me with their zest? Where and when do I most easily express zest? Why is zest important to me?
The process of asking and reflecting upon these questions helped me realize I was using my strengths in ways I had never noticed before. I noticed that I often used zest to amplify my other signature strengths of perseverance, curiosity, critical thinking, and love. This awareness sparked novel ideas about how to use my signature strengths in new ways in the future. Instead of just leading with zest for a workout, I could channel zest to boost curiosity and perseverance throughout my workout to improve performance and enjoyment!
I had also been intentionally individually reflecting on my strengths before the partner reflection sessions. I found both the individual and partner reflection to support the learning process. Individual reflection and journaling allowed me to really understand my strengths and the relationship I wanted to build with them. The partner reflection gave me another perspective on my strengths and how I used them. Overall, the individual and group reflection both contributed to a greater strengths awareness for me.
3. Collaborate and Strengths Spot
Furthermore, the opportunity to reflect and discuss these questions with others inspired new insights and ideas about how to cultivate each unique strength, while supporting each other. For me, this collaboration helped me develop a stronger sense of awareness of my strengths, deeper sense of appreciation for strengths, and better ability to see strengths in others. When we posted our daily observations, exploration participants actively constructively responded in ways that motivated continuous exploration and growth. The ability to read others’ observations also helped me “strength-spot” and understand how others experience their strengths. I gained a richer and deeper appreciation of others’ strengths through this collaborative observation process. Overall, the positive relationships we built with each other motivated us to complete the full 5-week exploration together as a team that cared about each individual’s growth.
4. Receiving the Gift of Strengths Spotting
My biggest takeaway from this experience is gratitude for receiving the gift of strengths spotting and awe related to how powerful this practice can be. At the beginning of this exploration, I felt drained and lost. I wasn’t able to use my strengths in ways that energized me and fell into negative thinking traps with unproductive underlying beliefs.
When Sharon and Kathryn invited me to lead the brainstorming sessions, I felt energized and seen. They had spotted my strengths and appreciated my using them. Instead of feeling lost, I felt found. I felt hope. I could see possibilities again. Even though I couldn’t illuminate inspiration through light, I could illuminate inspiration through words. If strength-spotting could have such a profound impact on one person, imagine what could happen if more people practiced strength-spotting consistently...
This is the power of living through a strengths lens.
Curious about Connecting with Your Own Strengths?
I later learned that I wasn’t alone in feeling disconnected with my strengths at the beginning of this exploration. The VIA Institute on Character reports that most people are unaware of their strengths and often underuse them (R. Niemiec, 2012; R. M. Niemiec & McGrath, 2019). Many of us feel lost.
Yet there is hope. Even though we might feel lost sometimes, we can find ourselves again. Simple awareness of our strengths can make a big difference. You can do this exploration by yourself or you can invite others to join you to amplify your progress. If you are interested in learning about your strengths, you can take the free VIA Character Strengths Survey in about 20 minutes.
What if you strengthened your relationship with your strengths? What would happen if you developed an appreciation for your strengths and those of others? And maybe even when you feel lost, you can help others feel found by noticing and appreciating their strengths too. By building a relationship with our own strengths, we can better see the strengths of others. One of the most powerful things you can do for someone else is to help them see their own strengths. I hope that the insights we gained from this character strengths exploration will help you better understand your strengths and illuminate the strengths of others.
Strengths Exploration Tools
Here are some reflection tools I created during our strengths exploration that helped us gain a deeper awareness of and appreciation for our own unique strengths. You can use the questions to guide a conversation with a partner or to reflect individually. I inserted my strength of ZEST as an example.
At the beginning of each week, I reflected upon what the strength of the week meant to me and wrote down my initial thoughts. Then I brainstormed ways to use my strength throughout the week. Throughout the week, I recorded my observations of how I used my strength in a new way every day. At the end of the week, I reviewed my insights and wrote a summary of how my relationship with this strength developed, sometimes in the form of a gratitude letter. This process helped me better understand my unique signature strengths, appreciate them, and live them more fully. I hope this helps you imagine how you could use these tools for your own strengths exploration too!
Weekly Journal Prompts for Strengths Exploration
Definition:
What does ZEST mean to me?
What is the VIA definition of ZEST?
Where and when do I most easily express ZEST?
Who inspires ZEST in me?
How did I most recently use ZEST?
Why is ZEST important to me?
ZEST Use Ideas:
A list of multiple new ways to use this strength.
What might be all the ways to share my ZEST with the world?
What might be all the ways to cultivate my ZEST?
What might be all the ways to strengthen my relationship with ZEST?
ZEST in Action
Examples of how I used this strength each day for one week.
Monday - Completed a Kickboxing workout
Tuesday - Led an energetic presentation for students
Wednesday - Completed a strength training workout
Thursday - Learned to play a new song on guitar
Friday - Had an engaging conversation with a friend
Saturday - Watched my favorite Disney movie
Sunday - Led a strengths ideation session
End of Week Reflection/Gratitude Letter to my ZEST
Summary of my insights about this strength.
What new insights did I gain about this strength? How has my relationship with this strength developed?
What do I appreciate about this strength?
What do I recommend to help this strength grow?
References
Niemiec, R. (2012, March 22). What are your signature strengths? VIA Institute on Character. https://www.viacharacter.org/topics/articles/what-are-your-signature-strengths
Niemiec, R. M. (2018). Character strengths interventions: A field guide for practitioners. Hogrefe Publishing.
About the Author: Laura DelPrato's personal mission is to illuminate inspiration and "aha" moments for people. Laura aspires to illuminate inspiration through career coaching, creative problem solving, photography, and kickboxing. She earned a B.A. in Leadership Studies from the University of Richmond and a Master of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) from the University of Pennsylvania in 2018. She currently designs professional skill development programs for college students as the Assistant Director of Life Transforming Programs at the University of Virginia's Career Center. Laura can be reached at lauraj.delprato@gmail.com
