The Gallup organization routinely reminds us that the most productive and engaged employees have a "best friend" at work. What Gallup's researchers don't explain as clearly is how these special relationships are formed and how they translate into work performance. In 2022, I embarked on a fellowship with the Project on Positive Leadership at the University of Louisville to answer these questions by examining relationships from a unique perspective: their ethical underpinnings. 

While many of us don't consciously consider things like ethical alignment or shared values when forming a new relationship, it turns out that moral exemplars do. In fact, the key finding from my MAPP Capstone, Moral Excellence: A Study of How Business Leaders Stay True to Themselves, was that moral exemplars intentionally cultivate relationships that remind them of their values. These special connections, which I refer to as Anchor Relationships™, act as a “reinforcing mechanism” reminding exemplars of their moral values when confronted with a conflict of interest.

But do relationships centered on shared values increase work performance? Yes, they do. 

About Anchor Relationships™

Anchor Relationships are special connections that remind people of who they are and what matters most to them. These relationships promote psychological well-being, because each person respects the autonomy and competence of the other person. Relatedness, autonomy, and competency are principles of Relationship Motivation Theory, a sub-theory within Self-Determination Theory, and these principles are fundamental to flourishing friendships (Deci and Ryan, 2014). 

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle claimed the highest form of friendship, which he referred to as a Friendship of Character, occurs when each person enjoys the other's innate virtue and wants to see the other flourish (Cooper, 1980). He referred to these relationships as the "friendship of good people similar in virtue; for they wish goods in the same way to each other" (Yoder, 2019, p.209). 

A SYSTEMS-THINKING VIEW OF RELATIONSHIPS

Aristotle also claimed that the experience of a Character-Friendship is so precious that the desire to sustain these relationships is the chief reason why people act ethically (Jacquette, 2001).  If our most prized connections are Anchor Relationships, people with whom we have an implicit understanding of what is and is not good conduct, then our desire to maintain these relationships ensures our actions reflect our highest values. 

Anchor Relationships act as a systems-thinking reinforcing loop of ethical behavior because the desire to develop relationships rooted in shared values reminds us of our own values while also forging connections that model and reinforce these values. This reinforcing loop begins with a desire to experience flourishing, which Aristotle claimed is best experienced with others of similar goodness. But once the relationship is formed, it acts as a reinforcing mechanism that models, influences, and shapes how each person interprets their choices and how each person responds to conflicts of interest. 

Our desire for people to hold us in high regard can shape our behavior. Moreover, the risk of eroding that special relationship, through which we feel we are at our best, constrains our behavior and limits the choices we believe are available to us at any moment. Consequently, Anchor Relationships act as a protective factor against ethical blindness, which occurs when people lose sight of the ethical implications of their behavior. 

A SOURCE OF SELF-EFFICACY AND RESILIENCE

The benefits of Anchor Relationships emerged during interviews I conducted with organizational leaders for my fellowship project. These leaders shared personal experiences about how their Anchors sustained them in moments of crisis and difficulty. Their stories of personal and professional crisis were so challenging that they questioned their own abilities. Support from their Anchor helped them overcome and grow from these precarious situations while remaining true to themselves. Here are a few excerpts from their interviews:

• “Early in my career, I was doing something I loved but working with someone who wasn’t honest and was taking a lot of short-cuts. I was worried that if I pushed back, things would fall apart. I found my voice with the support of my Anchor who helped me realize that I don’t have to endure indignity. I can draw hard lines, and I can handle it.” 

• “[There was a time when I was leading organizational change and a lot of people were angry about the changes I was enacting.] My Anchor said to me: ‘you cannot take this so personally.’ She also helped me capitalize on an opportunity for transformative conversation with the protagonist and talk about the issue that we need to solve together. I might have left the job without a helping hand.” 

• “[I dealt with a long and painful work conflict for a number of years.] My Anchor helped me examine the issue and separate out what was me and what was real, or to see the difference between what was subjective and what was objective. Then I could deal with the emotions more consciously.” 

PATHWAY TO FLOURISHING

When researchers tout the benefits of having a best friend at work, they’re referencing the efficacy, trust, and assurance these special connections provide. But they’re also referring to well-being, which enables the productivity that best friendships foster. 

Self Determination Theory proposes that while people need to feel valued and cared for, only relationships that honor each person’s autonomy and competence can lead to fulfillment. In fact, there must be mutuality of support for each person’s autonomy or self-determined choices in the relationship for the connection to be truly fulfilling (Deci and Ryan, 2014).

According to Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of The Harvard Study of Adult Development, “Close, positive relationships are what keep people happy and physically healthy throughout their lives. Strong ties with people who elevate your well-being are better predictors of well-being than social class, IQ, money, fame, or genes” (Waldinger, 2015).

HOW TO FORM AN ANCHOR RELATIONSHIP

To help people develop Anchor Relationships in their own lives, I created the Anchor Relationships™ Workshop, which is a step-by-step process that facilitates relationship discernment. The first section involves learning about the ways in which relationships influence our choices. Next, participants examine their own relationships through an audit. Then they each develop an action plan to build or strengthen two relationships and they make specific commitments to increase the amount of time and attention they devote to these relationships. 

After completing the Anchor Relationships Workshop, 92% of participants said they were either likely or very likely to recommend this workshop to a friend; 67% said they were either likely or very likely to be more selective when building new relationships; and 50% said they were either likely or very likely to alter how they spend time with their current relationships. Here are some of their comments: 

• “[I plan to build new relationships with] people whose values and ideals align with mine.”

• “[I realized] why I am no longer close with my college BFF who had a years-long relationship with a married man—our values are no longer aligned.”  

• “Every person I have a strong relationship with is someone I care about, so I need to make an effort so that these relationships remain strong.”

From my standpoint, conducting an Anchor Relationships Workshop is a positive intervention. It’s a joy to facilitate the personal growth that occurs through relationship discernment. When I started this work, I thought a lot about my uncle who passed away a few years ago, the pivotal role he played in my life, and how my years of parenting led me to contact him less often. I realized he had been an Anchor for me and that realization inspired me to help others recognize the pivotal people in their lives before it’s too late. 

References

Cooper, J. M. (1980). Aristotle on friendship. In A. O. Rorty (Ed.), Essays on Aristotle’s ethics. (pp. 301-340). University of California Press. 

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2014). Autonomy and need satisfaction in close relationships: Relationships motivation theory. In N. Weinstein (Ed.), Human motivation and interpersonal relationships. (pp. 53-73). Springer. 

Jacquette, D. (2001). Aristotle on the Value of Friendship as a Motivation for Morality. Journal of Value Inquiry, 35(3), 371-389.

Waldinger, R. (2015, December). What makes a good life? Lessons on the longest study on happiness. [Video]. TED. https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?language=en

Yoder, T. S. (2019). Aristotle and CS Lewis on the Moral Significance of Friendship. Bibliotheca Sacra, 176(702), 203-221.

About the author: Kellie Cummings is Vice President of Marketing at VIA Institute on Character. She is a Lecturer at Johns Hopkins University’s Master of Arts in Communication program and served as a 2022 Fellow with the Project on Positive Leadership through the University of Louisville College of Business, during which time she created the Anchor Relationships™ workshop and complementary website: www.anchorrelationships.com.